Congrats to me. As you can see by the evidence I have written into existence, I have reached 1 million hits on my blog. Of course, most people will ask, “Why did you only get five likes on your last post and only about 10 to 12 likes per post?” Well, I’ll ignore that question and pretend 1,000,000 page views actually means “I have one million fans.”
In case you’re wondering what it feels like to be a star of my own domain, this is what it feels like to have one million views.
- My boyfriend says he can’t propose because he can’t find a job.
- I don’t have a job and only $2.01 in the bank.
- My GoFundMe account is only at $5.35 and was donated by my grandmother.
- My parents don’t like me.
- I am 52 lbs overweight.
- I can’t go out for interviews because I can’t fit into my work clothes.
- I can’t exercise because (a) I can’t fit in my exercise clothes (b) I can’t afford new ones (c) I don’t have Internet at home (I use the library computer) so YouTube fitness is out.
- I eat only oatmeal and water 3 meals a day. I splurge on fast food on weekends so I can pay rent and utilities.
- My boyfriend spends his unemployment benefits on beer and cheetos. I use my benefits to help my grandmother pay her mortgage.
That’s my real life in nine points. But I want you to think I’m something special. That is why I talk about 1 million hits on my blog instead of my dry bank account or the boring content on my blog.