Surely they should join up the other WordPress subscribers?

It’s hard to explain; I have 10,174 WordPress followers, the email followers and an additional 32 WordPress followers – that are coming up in a separate notification.

This is what confuses me. The email followers are separate – I understand this. These other followers are WordPress followers, but for some reason are not connected to my other followers! I’m very confused? Surely they should join the other WordPress subscribers?

HEY! HEY! YOU! YOU! CONNECT ALL OF MY FOLLOWERS NOW!!!!!

Be ambitious – not thirsty

Wanna be famous? Offer value to your readers. That’s ambition. Pardon the expression, but it occurs to me why a “bunch of wannabes” are here publishing boring posts in order to rub their fancy credentials in our faces, day after day. They all thirst to be famous. I have no issues with that. Have at it.

If you have nothing else to say, no-one is going to land on a blog that exists only to advertise the master’s and PhDs for the 11 millionteenth time and say, here, “We’ll give you a break.”

Bloggers who have gone viral have said something that people connect with from the heart. People don’t care how many degrees you have. Your PhD won’t cure breast cancer and your postdoc grant doesn’t help people on welfare. You can’t feed a child with a Master’s.

People care about how they feel. They want to feel okay about life as it is. They want to feel good about themselves. Your degree boasting is saying to people, in a subtle way, “Hello reader, you didn’t make the most of what life gave to you; your opinion has no value and you’re a sore underachiever.”

The mainstream media is only interested in reporting trends on social media. If a post goes viral, you’ll get an interview and soon will arrive the book and endorsement deals. Because these companies want money. Money comes after millions of eyeballs hit their sites. Journalists, editors, assistants and pool boys have to be paid. That is the bottom line. Mortgages don’t get paid while you’re grinning from ear to ear about being a “doctor.”

If you all you say, every post is literally, “I am in grad school” or “I graduated with a Masters/PhD and I made toast this morning,” don’t be surprised that no-one cares to read your blog.

Life Changes, by Dr P M Yeah, MBA, JD, PhD

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As a person with a PhD, JD and MBA, I can tell you that life changes will hit you like a brick. This morning, for instance, I ran out of Starbucks immediately after getting my Basic Bitch Pumpkin Spice Latte. Looking around, it seemed that Starbucks lovers can’t appreciate that I’m educated. I am special! Why can’t they SEE that?!

That’s why I’m moving to Instagram. I need to have my morning coffee in front of the right audience. Whenever I post a photo of my coffee, my followers will see that I have a PhD, a JD and an MBA because my camera app will paste my name – Dr P M Yeah, MBA, JD,  PHD on every photo to remind followers that I’m special and better than them. Great solution, yeah? I engineered that – heh, heh, heh.

My brother told me that if I pay $1,000 (half my paycheck for the month) on Fiverr, I’ll get 20,000 Instagram followers. That’s guaranteed InstaFame. That’s why I’m super committed to that strategy.

Life of Pablo, bitches!


Best regards
Dr P M Yeah, MBA, JD, PhD

Stop saying “Thank You My Followers” and say something meaningful instead

Do you realize that it’s kind of rude to visit someone’s blog to leave a self serving message about how awesome your blog is? Do you know that it’s irritating to see a load of “Thank you to my followers” posts in your Reader at once? Do you realize that if you have only thank you for follows posts in your feed, this may cause people to block or unfollow you?

Yes, actually. It is irritating when people publish meaningless thank you posts on their blogs. When saying thank you becomes self-serving, that is saying it too much. And when using automated badges and stats screengrabs from your stats page to thank readers, that is definitely going overboard.

Do you ever open Reader and see something like this?

Yeah have one 1 new follower

Yay I have 20 posts on my blog

Congrats to me I have 3 likes

Wow I’m awesome I have 5 followers

Thanks to all of you for 50 follows

Have you ever opened notifications to see a string of these comments?

Thanks for following my blog.

Thanks for liking my post.

Thanks for following my blog.

Thanks for liking my post.

Thanks for following my blog.

Thanks for liking my post.

Thanks for the follow.

Thanks for the like!

How to thank new followers –

  1. Visit their blogs. If you don’t want to follow them back, I’m sure they’ll be fine with that. Writing a lame “thanks for the follow” is insulting.
  2. Comment on a post, using more than one word.
  3. Answer their comments if they leave any.
  4. Share something that you find interesting from their blog.

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Rachel Thompson from Bad Redhead Media says, about this issue on Twitter,

My overall thought: when all you do is say THANK YOU FOR THE RT or THANK YOU FOR THE FOLLOW, you are diluting all the hard work you’ve put into creating your branded presence.

Exactly. It brings down the quality of your work. It also seems like you don’t care what anyone else has to say. Ian Anderson Gray has an interesting article entitled, Stop Saying Thank You on Social Media & Say Something Meaningful! I thought I was the only person who found this excessive preening by proxy annoying. However, while preparing this post, a Google search turned up a lot of interesting articles on the subject. They are based on social media feeds clogged with “Thanks for the follow.”

 

Dr P M Yeah, MBA, JD, Phd: Day 5

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Hello everyone, as you know, it’s been a hot minute since I got my three degrees. I am a doctor of engineering, an MBA and a doctor of jurisprudence. (Ha! Big word!) Going to a local coffee shop for a Basic Bitch Latte this morning was a challenge, especially because the people waiting in line didn’t know that I am an MBA, a JD and a PhD. Wow! Three degrees is kinda impressive. But, I digress.

To make sure that people were in awe of me, I waved around my name tag that I ordered from Etsy. But the people standing in front of me couldn’t see it. That is when I hit upon a plan B.

I got on my phone and talked very loudly with my voice mail. Here are the questions I asked myself.

  1. Which one of my DEGREES? The JD, the MBA or the PhD?
  2. Where did I get the Jaaay Deee??
  3. Where did I study for the eM Bee Aaaay?
  4. Did I get the Pee aich Dee before the eM Bee Aaaay?
  5. What’s my JOB TITLE now?

As you can imagine, everyone stared at me, open-mouthed. I think they were super impressed. Go, me! Go, me!

Dr P M Yeah, MBA, JD, Phd

 

Grad Students: Boasting about being in grad school is the biggest predictor you will never graduate

If the hashtag for gross incompetence were a group home, grad students squatting on WordPress, instead of doing actual work, would occupy it, 100% of the time.

There is nothing special about getting into or being in graduate school. So, why are you bragging about going into debt to bring revenue to a university? Because you’re not very smart.

Even if you don’t graduate, it doesn’t diminish your school’s ranking. Many elite schools pre-graduate PhD candidates who haven’t completed their theses. They also recommend them for assistant professorships at other universities as a way of saving face. Keep talking about your shiny new Master’s/PhD that does not heal the world.

Other points: If you’re five years into your Master’s, stop. You’re not going to finish. If five years have passed and your dissertation is not being examined right now, go rob a bank and pay back our loan – you have flamed out. If your dissertation is being examined and your degree hasn’t yet been conferred, don’t call yourself “doctor” on your blog.

Cue the excuses and defensive statements.

In conclusion: Grad school squatters are never going to graduate because they’re mediocre, not very diligent, and are focused on the prestige of the degree than they are on the mountains of bills they’ll never be able to pay after they drop out without finishing.

Remember, grad school debt doesn’t go away just because you were too tired and unmotivated, or whatever to finish. Okay?

Thank you my followers

Dear friends (can I say family ),

As I sat down this evening to review notifications, I found some unexpected notifications. This blog’s content has two themes – (i) repeatedly saying “thank you for likes and follows” and (ii) slagging off smug, boastful grad students and bloggers who call themselves “doctor” or use other honorifics to introduce themselves.

Quite a few of the bloggers I’ve been slagging off are now my followers. A big big thank you to all my supporters, followers and likers. Likers will remain anonymous, because I don’t get high off “likes” and I respect your desire to support me discreetly.

I didn’t expect anyone to read, like posts or even follow the satirical content on this blog. I think that you are all incredibly intelligent. I am not surprised that you are. In fact, I am incredibly honored to have you.

Grad School/PhD Bloggers: Even if you are passive aggressively following this blog to indicate that you’re seeing this content, don’t waste your ire. I invited you here, to see what I’m saying about you because you flood my Reader with your irritating, dull, dreary, boring, smug, condescending content while advertising your degrees. If you really are intelligent, why does your blog look like a halfway house?

Your acknowledgment of my statements about your irritating behavior is a wonderful tribute to free speech. No-one is stopping you from being obnoxious. So, if you find the content on this blog irritating or offensive, then you are feeling what many of your readers feel but are too polite to tell you.

THANK YOU ALL FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART.

Doctor of Engineering? Ph(inally) D(one)!

I have a PhD in engineering!!! Actually, that’s my law degree from the University of Miami. My uncle gave me a job in his shipping company last month but he said I could get a promotion if I got a degree.

So, I got three – a PhD in engineering, an MBA and a law degree. They cost about $1,600 total but my uncle said he would fund my education. He gave me an interest free loan, so I’m going to do sixteen monthly payments of $100 to pay him back.

I asked my brother to help me get my degrees and we went shopping on Google and Craigslist. One guy from Miami was really poor after paying $100,000 for his law degree. But he said I could buy this copy and print it out for $700. That was a great deal. After that, my brother said I should buy an MBA, too. He bought me some books on Amazon that tell you what MBA people study at school, so I can sound smart. That set me back only $405! Not bad, because lots of really cool moguls have MBAs.

Now that I’m an attorney, my uncle can make me a company director. Yay, me!!!

Trolling Trump

Journalist Jemima Khan, dressed as Melania Trump being groped by Donald Trump at the UNICEF Fancy Dress Ball October 13, 2016. Source: Mirror UK.

Donald Trump was relatively harmless as a TV celebrity and franchiser. However, as independent journalists have said, we live in a post-factual society. We do not care about substance. And if Mr Trump is elected President of the United States, the consequences of that would be what we deserve for gaping at vacuous, self serving people on social media. Mind you, thousands of people ridicule them on a daily basis but many thousands more worship them. While we were fast asleep, he came to represent what we want in our leaders: Nothing.

 

Oh M – Goodness!

Wow, what a great way to start my day! The last three days have been filled with so much amazingness. This has just been a great half week! And then, to top it off, I just hit 6000 followers!

I think the most important thing for you to know about me right now, is that you are reading, commenting, liking, and enjoying this blog. It has become a part of my identity. If you did not encourage me to be lazy, I suppose I would have to do some work and post actual content on this blog (instead of reports about my blog stats).

Don’t feel free to reach out with suggestions! I dislike meeting new people here!

Bloggers using “PhD” or “Dr” credentials to boost status as bloggers are the biggest trolls on the Internet

Bloggers who use titles like Dr or PhD to boost their status as bloggers are the biggest trolls on the Internet. I’m not calling them narcissists. The really vulgar  ones will have “Dr” in their blog name, gravatar profile and mentioned several times on their “about” page. In case you’re blind, they’ll add the “Dr” to sign off every single post.

Some of them embarrass themselves. They can barely spell or write in full sentences. These boastful types are unpleasant operators who use the letters Dr or PhD to force readers (note – followers, since they’re shepherding by default) to ignore the nonsense they post on their blogs.

Come on, now. Have you ever read anything interesting on a blog authored by Dr Troll Blogger, PhD? Right? They have unimpressive day jobs, which they refuse to tell you about, claiming that they need privacy (note how they’re always blasting their full names with the PhD/Dr but won’t tell you where they work). So, do not be too impressed by their declarations of implied superiority.

Again, most of what they publish on their blogs have nothing to do with their degrees. And it’s usually tripe. Readers feel reluctant to challenge someone who claims to have a fancy degree. We mistakenly believe they’re smart and powerful. We also tend to believe people when they tell us they have a doctorate or PhD.

Instead of being intimidated by Dr Troll Blogger’s PhD, ask whether this person’s degrees are real. Ask for proof. Then ask if the PhD or Dr credentials are related to anything they’re publishing on their blogs.

I’m sure that most of you know that for the price of $365 or so, you can buy yourself a shiny new fake degree certificate with the name of a real university. There are many knock-off degree websites on the Internet. I hope you get one, too, and whip it out whenever you are trolled by one of these Phds. Here are some sites that offer that service.

  1. Instant Degrees 
  2. Original Degree 
  3. Diploma Company 
  4. University Degree Education

Again, it is very easy to purchase fake credentials, using a fake name with a disposable credit card, if you were so inclined.

One status obsessed hag calls herself “Dr Hag Troll” when she introduces herself. Then she begs you to not be so formal. Like, don’t call her Dr Hag because she’s cool and one of the little people. She also uses a photo of her heavy bosom, complete with cleavage partitioning, in her Gravatar profile, to distract readers from the fact that she’s a shit writer.

People willingly give up between 17% and 25% of their potential earnings so they could reveal personal information

Despite the financial incentive, people often preferred to talk about themselves and willingly gave up between 17% and 25% of their potential earnings so they could reveal personal information. “We joked that this was the penny for your thoughts study,” Dr. Tamir said. The Harvard University neuroscientist tells The Wall Street Journal: “Self-disclosure is extra rewarding. People were even willing to forgo money in order to talk about themselves.” The proof came in the pudding of the team’s studies which looked at whether or not people placed an unusually high value on the opportunity to share their thoughts and feelings.

In the test, scientists used a functional magnetic resonance imaging scanner, which tracks changes in blood flow between neurons associated with mental activity, to see what parts of the brain responded most strongly when people talked about their own beliefs and options, rather than speculating about other people.

Generally, acts of self disclosure were accompanied by spurts of heightened activity in brain regions belonging to the meso-limbic dopamine system, which is associated with the sense of reward and satisfaction from food, money or sex.

Source: Wall Street Journal

What it feels like to get 1 Million hits on my blog!!!!

Congrats to me. As you can see by the evidence I have written into existence, I have reached 1 million hits on my blog. Of course, most people will ask, “Why did you only get five likes on your last post and only about 10 to 12 likes per post?” Well, I’ll ignore that question and pretend 1,000,000 page views actually means “I have one million fans.”

In case you’re wondering what it feels like to be a star of my own domain, this is what it feels like to have one million views.

  1. My boyfriend says he can’t propose because he can’t find a job.
  2. I don’t have a job and only $2.01 in the bank.
  3. My GoFundMe account is only at $5.35 and was donated by my grandmother.
  4. My parents don’t like me.
  5. I am 52 lbs overweight.
  6. I can’t go out for interviews because I can’t fit into my work clothes.
  7. I can’t exercise because (a) I can’t fit in my exercise clothes (b) I can’t afford new ones (c) I don’t have Internet at home (I use the library computer) so YouTube fitness is out.
  8. I eat only oatmeal and water 3 meals a day. I splurge on fast food on weekends so I can pay rent and utilities.
  9. My boyfriend spends his unemployment benefits on beer and cheetos. I use my benefits to help my grandmother pay her mortgage.

That’s my real life in nine points. But I want you to think I’m something special. That is why I talk about 1 million hits on my blog instead of my dry bank account or the boring content on my blog.

I have reached 500 followers – Straight to the history books from here

Well what can I say? I’ve thanked all of you kind people when I reached the 200+ (just over 1 minute ago). But it seems I can’t thank you enough (so clichéd, I know).

But truth be told, I’m very grateful for all your support – no matter how little it is.

“Oh dear!” I hear you complain.

Anyway, thank you once again to all you followers on subscribers, and especially those individuals who come here week after week (or occasionally) and press that little “Like” button, or simply comment on a particular post.

It really means a lot to me and I try as much as possible to reply to each response.

I hope you’ll enjoy my future posts and please keep up your wonderful interaction with this blog. Also, remember to help spread the word!

Now, when shall we reach a 1000?